


You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

by apollojolras, Red_City



Series: You're the One That I Want [4]
Category: Castle
Genre: AU, Adorable, Alternate Universe, Angst, Boyfriends, Calendar, Countdown, Cuddling, Cute, Depressing as hell, Falling In Love, Family, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, I'm Sorry, Ireland, It'll get better I promise it's not all angst and feels, Kissing, Leaving, Love, M/M, Moving, Sad, School, Sister - Freeform, Smut, Spanish, Summer break, Vacation, beach, castle - Freeform, don't hate me just keep reading, movie, shower, terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollojolras/pseuds/apollojolras, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_City/pseuds/Red_City
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the last week of summer, and Javier and Kevin are realizing that parting is going to be a lot harder than they realized. Kevin is moving back to Ireland, and Javier is staying here - going back to high school like nothing happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Shower

**Author's Note:**

> You don't HAVE to read, "The Smallest Swim Trunks Known To Man," "Yes, I Like Him, No Big Deal," or "I Never Thought I'd Be Having Tea With Your Mom," to get this part, but this is the third in a part of a series, and the stories are chronological. Let us know what you think!
> 
> ~ANNOUNCEMENT!!~  
> We are releasing a version of this fic on Google Drive with the thrilling experience of the Author Commentary, for those who are interested in reading it. Please look at [this document](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1D9kZYck3YdZvrtsj7zGalpTUdKJx21bBZ1Tf0Zo6jmQ/viewform?usp=send_form) for more information! Thanks!

Javier froze where he was, in the doorway to Kevin’s room, and listened. They had just been at the beach, and Kevin was in the shower, trying to get all of the sand off of him. Javier had used Jenny’s room to de-sand himself, and apparently didn’t spend as much time washing as Kevin did - he was already dried and dressed - but that was maybe because Kevin was singing in the shower. 

Javier vaguely remembered Jenny saying something about Kevin being able to sing, but in the last four weeks that they had been together, Javier had only heard him sing along, jokingly, to the radio a few times - he was never really trying. But this time, Kevin was actually going for it. 

Still standing in the doorway to Kevin’s room, the bathroom door slightly open across from him, Javier leaned up against the doorframe and smiled softly.

“...I got no rhythm, I just keep losing my beat - I’m okay, I’m alright, ain’t gonna face no defeat!”

Javier recognized the song and his grin spread wider.

“I just gotta get out of this prison cell! Someday I’m gonna be free, Looooord!”

His eyebrows shot up and Kevin hit the high note with grace, his powerful belt holding on to the word longer than usual.

“Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to lo- shit!” Kevin said, and something hit the floor. Javier laughed, and then covered his mouth. He could hear Kevin’ turn the water off and pull the curtain back. 

“Javi? Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Javier said not moving from the door.

Kevin opened the bathroom door and steam came out. He was wrapped up in a towel, and droplets of water trickled over his exposed shoulders and chest. Javier licked his lips.

“What were you laughing at?” Kevin asked.

“I’ve never heard you sing like that before. That’s amazing,” Javier said, ignoring the question. “How come you don’t do it more often?”

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, self-conscience. “I, uh. I don’t know. I didn’t know you were listening.”

“Well I wish you would sing more. Also, good song choice. But I’m pretty sure ‘shit’ isn’t in the lyrics.”

“Oh, yeah. I dropped my conditioner.”

“For your wavy, shiny, perfect hair,” Javier said, grinning. He stepped into the room, unable to keep his eyes off of Kevin’s chest.

“Javi, stop staring. You’re making me self-conscience. I’m going to put on clothes now.”

“No, and no,” Javier said, reaching out to stop Kevin before he could make it to his dresser. “You’re going to stay just as you are for just a little longer.”

Kevin’s eyes widened as Javier pulled him flush to his chest and leaned across to whisper his lips against Kevin’s. Kevin sighed and reached for more. Javier smiled and gave Kevin what he wanted, parting his lips to kiss him. Javier’s shirt was going to be spotted with bits of water, but he didn’t care at all. He wrapped his arms around Kevin’s back and ran his hands up and down the naked length.

Kevin reached up and caressed the back of Javier’s neck, making him groan low in his throat. Then he pushed away suddenly, eyes wide. 

“What? What?” Javier asked, confused, his arms still open as Kevin backed out of his embrace.

“Nothing, I just - I almost dropped my towel.” 

Javier felt himself blush and a pool of heat start in his belly. “Oh really? That would have been terrible,” he said, raising an eyebrow. Kevin blushed too, and smiled, wrapping the towel more firmly around his waist.

“Javier, you know that Jenny is supposed to be back any minute.”

“Jenny, schmenny,” Javier said, stepping close again. Kevin put a finger up to Javier’s chest, holding him back. He quirked an eyebrow, leaned in to kiss Javier once on the mouth, and then started walking forwards, pushing Javier from the room. 

“Your puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work today,” Kevin said, still pushing until Javier was out in the carpeted hallway.

“Kevin…” Javier started, but he knew that his boyfriend was right. He smiled. “One more.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, but then closed them, waiting for Javier to close the gap between them. Javier leaned into the kiss, giving it more heat than Kevin had expected, and smirked triumphantly when he pulled away and Kevin was breathing a little harder, his eyes wide.

“Fine, fine, get dressed,” Javier said, starting down the stairs. He heard Kevin exhale loudly behind him and he chuckled. 

“Hurry up, baby - I’ll be on the couch.”

Kevin couldn’t help but smile - he loved Javier’s unexpected affinity for pet names and got a little thrill every time he used one. Closing the door, he leaned against it for a second, trying to get his heart rate back to normal. 

That boy… he thought. My boy. That thought stuck in his head, and he hummed Somebody To Love to himself, thinking that he didn’t need to sing it anymore - he’d already found someone.

Once Kevin had dried himself off and thrown on some clothes, not bothering to fix his hair (Javier had already seen him less put together than this) he went down the stairs. Javier was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, and Kevin just watched him for a minute. _Even the back of his head is beautiful,_ he thought, and then launched himself over the back of the couch and landed in Javier’s lap. 

“Oomf!” Javier grunted, not expected Kevin to suddenly jump on him, but he adjusted quickly and anchored his arms around Kevin’s torso, holding him to his chest. 

“Hey, baby,” Javier said, smiling wide as Kevin’s face warmed to a nice shade of pink. He knew that Kevin still wasn’t used to all of his terms of endearment, and he used the nicknames with fervor, loving his reaction every time.

“Hey,” Kevin replied, leaning into Javier’s chest. He was warm. Kevin turned and buried his face in Javier’s neck, breathing him in.

“You smell girly,” Kevin said, lifting his head.

“Well Jenny only had girly things in her bathroom,” Javier said, looking guilty. “You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that, it’s just different. And kind of funny.”

“Shut up.”

“Aw, is Javi self-conscience about smelling all fruity and flowery?” Kevin teased.

“That’s it, I’m never using Jenny’s stuff again.”

“You could’ve used mine, you know,” Kevin said.  
“You told me to use Jenny’s shower,” Javier said, running his hand over the back of Kevin’s neck. “Even though I didn’t want to.”

“What? You could’ve used mine, I thought you said you didn’t want to wait for me to get done. I didn’t know that - “

“I didn’t want to wait. We were both covered in sand.”

“So you wanted to use mine but you didn’t want to wait? You could’ve gone before me, but I thought you said to go ahead and - ”

“Yes I did,” Javier leaned his mouth towards Kevin’s ear, speaking soft and low. “I didn’t want to wait, and I didn’t want you to wait, and I didn’t want to use Jenny’s.” He paused for a moment. Kevin didn’t move. “Get it?”

Kevin thought for a second and then his eyes widened. “Oh,” he said out loud, and felt Javier smile. 

“We could have saved so much water,” Javier whispered. 

“Um, I don’t - you don’t think that - mm - that we would’ve spent...extra time in there? If we had - um - both been in there - ah, together?” Kevin was having a hard time speaking, as Javier’s tongue was tracing patterns over his ear and neck and then he captured his lips and dipped Kevin into the couch, shifting on top of him. Kevin started making delicious noises underneath him, and Javier started to get carried away, running his hands up and down Kevin’s body, moving his thigh between Kevin's legs to feel him hardening, sliding his tongue against Kevin’s own - 

“Um, guys?”

They both started, and looked up to see Jenny staring down at them.

“While I love to see you two getting on so well, Kevin is my cousin and it’s gross to see your tongue in his mouth.”

“Oops,” Kevin said, leaning up to give Javier one more warm kiss, and then sitting up, readjusting his clothing. “Did you get the movie?”

“Yes,” she said, setting down the grocery bag. “And popcorn and chocolate, as requested. Carla is on her way over too, and you’re lucky she didn’t see that because she would definitely react more than I did.”

“Ai ai, yeah, okay,” Javier said, just now trusting his voice to speak, though it was still rougher than usual.

“First of all, I HAVE to tell you about this guy I saw at the store! I mean, holy shit, he was like Brad Pitt and Jesus had a baby,” Jenny said, sitting down across from them.

Kevin settled next to Javier, listening to Jenny’s animated story, and he reached down to lace Javier’s fingers through his own. They sat, talking and laughing at Jenny until Carla got there, who then demanded a re-telling of the story, and they popped the popcorn and watched the moved and stayed up late and Javier had never felt so happy in his life.

It was a comfortable, beautiful place to be, with his favorite people. They fell asleep in the living room, lounging on the couch, and it was almost 2 in the morning when Javier got up to use the bathroom. He went up to Kevin’s room, and paused at the door, the calendar on the wall catching his eye.

It was still set on June, though it was quickly approaching the end of August. There were big, red ‘x’ marks through the first week, but no more after the first Saturday. Javier frowned, coming closer. Written in the corner of Saturday’s box was one word. 

[Javier Esposito]

Javier’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell open. That was the day that they had first met. He almost started to laugh, realizing that Kevin hadn’t touched his calendar since that first day. He took it from the wall, flipping back to May. Every single day was crossed off, events and times dotting the days. On May 21st, a big “AMERICA” was written. That must have been the day that Kevin and his parents traveled over here. Javier flipped back to June, then July, and then to August. None of the days were crossed off, except for that first week in June. There was nothing written at all, in fact. It was like Kevin had forgotten about it.

In August, Javier looked down the page and his smile faltered when he saw a giant red circle at the bottom. on August 27th, ( _5 days from now,_ as his traitorous mind reminded him), Kevin had written in big letters, “FINALLY GOING HOME.”

Javier stared at the words. He hadn’t been counting the days - he HADN’T - but he had been painfully aware of how short a time they had. School was starting in a week, and he had always known Kevin would be leaving, but it had never seemed so close before. Obviously, Kevin had been looking forward to going home, to Ireland. _Fucking IRELAND,_ he thought. _It couldn’t have been one state over, or even in the same country, NO. Across a freakin ocean._

He made himself put the calendar back on the wall, flipping the page back to June like he had found it, but not before scratching something into the end of August with the drying-out pen on Kevin’s desk. He tried not to feel hurt. He failed. He didn’t let himself wallow for long though, not wanting to be away from Kevin for any amount of time...especially since the days were dwindling.

Back downstairs, Kevin was still asleep on the couch, unaware of Javier’s turmoil. Javier laid back down next to him, sliding his arm around Kevin’s body, holding him close. Kevin sighed in his sleep, wriggling closer and turning into to Javier’s warmth. Javier felt a prick of emotion shoot through him, and felt a tear run down his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried - well, that was a lie. It was the day his dad moved out when he was 8. From then on, nothing could make Javier Esposito shed a tear - except for the boy sleeping peacefully in his arms.

He resolved himself to not ask Kevin about it - not even think about it - until he had to. No, he would continue to act blissfully ignorant of the impending date, and just BE with Kevin - not missing a moment, not wasting a second. He couldn’t afford to lose any time now.


	2. The Calendar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin didn't realize how soon he had to leave.  
> Javier didn't either.

“What?” Kevin asked. He suddenly couldn’t move. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt a little like he was about to fall over. He reached over and put a hand on the wall to steady himself, and his mother’s eyes grew worried. 

“Kev, honey? Are you all right?”

“What did you say?” He asked, looking up at her.

“What do you mean, love? I just asked if you had finished packing,” Alana said, starting to stand up. “Are you sure you’re okay, Kevin, you look at little - “

“Ma, I’m fine, I just - what day is it?”

“It’s August 25th, haven’t you been marking off your calendar? You haven’t been marking your calendar? You haven’t missed a day in years.”

“I - “ Kevin started, trying to think. “I haven’t touched it all summer.”

“Oh,” Alana said. “Well, sorry darlin, it’s August 25th.” She paused, looking over at her son, a look upon his face that she didn’t like, his hand on the wall beside him like he couldn’t stand without it. She knew that this summer had been different than the others - she knew he loved Javier, even if he didn’t know it himself. She knew that Bitchfit Bobby was finally out of his head _(Thank God)_ and he was happy. Alana had in fact been talking last night with James about it. 

 

 

_  
“I just would hate to see him - well, turn back away from himself. He’s so much MORE now that he’s gotten over that other idiot.”_

_“Alana, sweetcakes, we can’t stay. What about that new project you were talking to Helen about? What about Kevin’s last year of school?”_

_“He could finish it here! We could - “_

_“Our lives are in Ireland.”_

_“But his life is here now.”_

_“I know. I don’t know what to do either.”_

__

 

 

James hadn’t been much help, but in the end they had decided they needed to go back, if only for their jobs. Neither had thought about staying in the States for long enough to look for work here - though, admittedly, Alana loved being back. America had such flavor.

“Kevin. I’m so sorry,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around her son, and he clung to her like he used to when he was young. She could feel him take a deep breath before he let go, and his eyes were dry when he pulled away.

“It’s okay, ma, I just - I hadn’t realized.”

She kissed his forehead, and turned back to her papers. She was sorting through plane tickets and things so she wouldn’t have to do it tomorrow.

Kevin stayed for a moment, putting his hand back on the wall as if to reassure himself that it was still there, and then left the room. He walked into the living room and sat on the couch. It was late, and Javier had gone home hours ago to have dinner with his mom - she had started to complain that she never saw him anymore, which was pretty accurate. It was dark outside and the house was quiet, Jenny spending the night at Gina’s house. It was just Kevin and Alana, and she was about to leave to go out with Jenny’s parents. Tomorrow night they had made plans for the six of them to eat in, on the Ryan’s last night in town. Kevin’s gut was clenched at the thought, but now that his mom had mentioned it, it wouldn’t leave. 

When Kevin was 11 years old, he had asked his dad about all the ‘x’ marks he always put on the calendar - why he crossed every day off as they passed.  
 _  
“It’s to remind me, Kev. That day is gone, and I don’t have to worry about it anymore.”_

Kevin had liked that so much that he had made it a personal habit to cross off days on his own calendar - he hadn’t missed a day since then. Here, 6 years later, he hadn’t looked at those little squares that dictated his life in months - and it was all because of Javier. There was no denying it. The day that they had first met, Kevin remembered writing Javier’s name in the corner of that Saturday, and not wanting to cross it off. Then he couldn’t bear to cross off the next day either, because they had seen each other that day too. And the next, and the next - until Kevin stopped thinking about it.

He opened the door to his bedroom, not realizing that he had made his way upstairs while thinking. He went straight to the wall by his bed where the calendar hung, and felt a fresh twist in his gut when he saw that it was still set on June. He took it down, and sat on the edge of his bed. He flipped the page to July - completly blank - and the to August. He remembered writing “FINALLY GOING HOME,” when they had first come, months ago when he actually wanted to go back. Now all he wanted to do was rip it off the page.

So he did. Kevin ripped August out of the calendar and threw it on the floor, and then started ripping the rest of it to shreds. His eyes got blurry somewhere in there, and he kept ripping the squares of the months into smaller pieces until he couldn’t see at all, and dropped his head into his hands - white paper streaked with red marker dotting his floor. He saw the tears falling on the floor rather than feeling them, and exhaled. He heard the front door slam - his mom must have left for dinner. He stared at the floor, not knowing what to do and NOT wanting to start packing.

There was a soft knock at the door, and Kevin lifted his head. Javier stood in the doorway, his eyes filled with questions and worry.

“Kevin?” He asked softly, and Kevin quickly wiped his eyes and sniffed, bending down to gather up the remnants of his calendar. 

“Javier, hi, sorry, I was just - uh, I was um…” he stuttered, sniffing again, not knowing what to say. Warm brown hands covered his own, stilling his clean up.

“Kev, what’s going on? What happened?”

“Nothing, Javi - I - “

“Is this your calendar?” Javier asked, something flashing in his eyes.

“Uh, yeah. I just - I got upset.”

“Why?”

“Why are you here? I thought you couldn’t come by tonight,” Kevin asked, trying to deflect his question and get his emotions under control.

“Change of plans. I missed you. Why are you upset? Don’t hide it from me,” Javier said, and then he waited. There was a short silence.

“It’s August 25th…” Kevin then mumbled under his breath, but Javier heard him anyway.

“Yeah, so?” Javier asked, brow furrowed.

“It’s...I’m leaving on the 27th. In two days. My mom - reminded me, and I - I got upset.” Kevin breathed out, and Javier slowly sat down on the floor among the ripped pieces. 

“Oh,” he said quietly,running his hands over his crossed legs. “Right. I had - I guess I had forgotten.”

They sat in silence for a moment, though it seemed eternity. Kevin was trying to keep his emotions under control, but seeing Javier staring down at the floor was almost too much to handle.

“Did you rip it all up?” He finally asked, and Kevin tilted his head, surprised by the question.

“Yeah, mostly. I ripped out August first, so that page is over there - the rest is, well.”  
Javier leaned over and picked up the only full page left, bringing it up to look at it. Kevin could see his own red handwriting through the paper, but hadn’t noticed the other pen marks before, in blue ink.

“Hey, give me that,” Kevin said, reaching out. Javier hesitated for a moment, then slowly passed it to him, not meeting his eyes. Kevin turned the page around in his hands and brought it up to his face to try and see the little paragraph under the word, ‘HOME,’ that he had written so many months ago.

_I hope that when you’re there_  
you’ll think about me sometimes  
because you’re all I think about  
and that’s not gonna change 

Kevin’s eyes widened as he dropped the page down to look at his boyfriend. He knew Javier had written it, and wondered when he had come in here and written that.

“When - Javi, I - I didn’t even see it, I - I - of course I’m going to think about you! All the time! I - I can’t NOT think about you, I’m in lo-”

Kevin bit off the words before he said them, but Javier’s eyes had snapped up and were now wide open, studying his face.

Kevin stayed silent, not knowing what to do, his mouth open, trying to make something up. There was no way Javier hadn’t heard what he was about to say, and no way to cover it. Kevin started to panic. _What is he thinking oh my God he doesn’t even feel anywhere close to that that was way too soon I can’t believe I said that shit he’s gonna freak out WHAT DO I DO -_

Then his thoughts were silenced by a kiss. Without even time to process what was happening, Kevin found himself on his back on the bed, Javier’s warm weight on top of him, lips locked in such heat that it made his thoughts fuzzy and shot fire down his spine. Javier's hands were running up and down his chest, carressing, squeezing, and Kevin heard himself moan. Javier’s tongue dipped into his mouth and he gasped, the sweet taste so welcoming and familiar. The kiss slowed, and Javier’s hand came up to gently stroke his face, so tender that Kevin had to stop to take a breath or he would start crying again.

“Kevin,” Javier breathed into his neck. “Kev, I am going to miss you so much. I - I don’t know - I can’t even - “

“I know, I know, me too - I don’t know either - “ Kevin responded, pulling Javier in for another soft kiss. He felt wetness on his cheeks and pulled back, startled to see moisture in Javier’s eyes as well.

“Don’t you fucking do that,” Kevin said, brushing the tears away, no real anger in his voice - only broken sadness.

“Can’t help it,” Javier said, giving him a half-hearted grin.

They settled onto the bed, Javier’s arm draped over Kevin’s chest, their legs tangled together, facing each other. Kevin’s fingers rested lightly on Javier’s shoulder, tracing patterns absentmindedly. Javier brought his hand up to cup Kevin’s cheek.

“I still remember when I first saw you,” Javier said. “I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

“You’ve apparently never looked in the mirror,” Kevin said, smiling as Javier rolled his eyes. They just looked at each other then, studying, tracing, not wanting to forget a single detail. A tear slowly rolled down Kevin’s cheek and dripped down onto the bed.

“Baby,” Javier said softly, frowning, and wiped away the trail of water with his thumb. 

“I don’t want to leave, Javi,” Kevin said, feeling very small.

“I know,” Javier said, shifting himself so they were now spooning, Javier wrapped protectively around Kevin’s frame. “I don’t want you to go.”

“Why does it have to be so far?”

Javier didn’t answer, because he didn’t have an answer. Neither did Kevin. They lay in silence, Javier holding tight to Kevin and Kevin stroking Javier’s arm slowly, both of them trying to help the other with something neither knew how to deal with. Kevin’s eyes filled yet again, but he kept quiet, letting the salty water drop without alerting Javier. Javier knew anyway, feeling a drop hit his arm, but he didn’t say anything because he had no comfort to give.

This was the hardest thing either had ever done.

Javier never called attention to the partial declaration Kevin hadn’t finished, not knowing if Kevin had meant it, or what he himself would be able to say in response. Kevin didn’t want to bring it up either, terrified of what Javier might or might not say. They let it sit, comfortably silent between them, as they just held each other. Javier was the first to fall asleep - Kevin felt him relax slightly behind him, and his breathing deepened. Kevin closed his eyes too, not caring that his lamp was still on. They could deal with life in the morning.


	3. The Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier and Kevin take another step in their relationship, and then reality hits them once more.

A loud blaring noise woke Javier up, and he slowly opened his eyes, glaring at the table beside Kevin’s bed where the alarm clock was sitting, beeping loudly. He tried to lift his arm to turn it off, but found he couldn’t move it - it was held immobile by Kevin, wrapped all the way around it. Javier got distracted for a second, smiling down at Kevin’s face. He was still asleep, looking so relaxed and peaceful that Javier hated to wake him - but the alarm had to go. 

He pulled, gently, on his arm, and reached over Kevin to hit the alarm. He couldn’t exactly reach, so he ended up practically on top of Kevin’s chest, finally pressing the button and turning the damn noise off. It was only 8 in the morning.

“Sorry, I forgot to turn it off last night,” Kevin said softly, and Javier looked down.

“Good morning,” Javier, and started to move off of Kevin, but Kevin grabbed his waist and held him in place. He smiled, and Javier relaxed, leaning into him. They were laying almost head to toe, their legs still tangled up from sleeping through the night. Kevin leaned up and kissed him softly on the jaw. He trailed kisses up Javier’s face and stopped just below his ear, breath warm. Javier shivered involuntarily, and Kevin took that as an invitation, biting softly on Javier’s earlobe.

“Kev,” Javier started, but the rest of whatever he had planned to say was swallowed by Kevin’s teeth biting into his neck. Javier moaned slightly, pressing into Kevin.

“Yes?” Kevin said, coming back around look Javier in the eye. 

“Don’t you - shouldn’t you be -”

“Shut up,” Kevin said, kissing him lightly on the lips.

“But what about you par - “

“Shut. Up.” Kevin said more forcefully, and bit at the same spot on his neck, making Javier inhale sharply.

“Okay, sure, I can do that,” Javier said, already breathing hard.

“You sure? Because you’re still talking,” Kevin said, smiling.

“Now who’s talking?” Javier said, suddenly running his hand down Kevin’s body to tease the skin at his belly button.

All Kevin could do was gasp, and Javier laughed under his breath. He ran his fingers around, toying with Kevin, while Kevin kept biting lightly and sucking at his neck and shoulder. Suddenly Javier reached down and wrapped his hand around Kevin’s length, half- hard already. 

“Javi,” Kevin moaned, his voice muffled into Javier’s shirt. Javier slowly stroked up, and Kevin hardened faster than he had expected him to. Kevin’s hands were now under his shirt, tugging it up. Javier used his other hand to reach behind and pull it off, appeasing Kevin’s wandering. Kevin dug his nails into Javier’s back, making Javier hiss. He loved it.

Javier could feel himself growing hard, and obviously Kevin could too, because his hands started to drift down and tug at the waistband of Javier’s jeans. 

“Hold on, hold on,” Javier said, leaning back and smiling. “Your turn,” he said as he pulled up Kevin’s shirt. Kevin ducked down to help him remove it, and then was suddenly at Javier’s waist, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down in one swift motion. He had his mouth on Javier so fast that Javier couldn’t breathe - he was gasping for air. 

“Kevinnn…” he groaned, and dug his fingers in Kevin’s hair. 

Since that first night in Javier’s room, they had traded hand jobs and blow jobs many times. Javier was a little hesitant at first, it being the first guy he had ever done anything with, but with Kevin’s encouragement and help, he was now well versed in the art of the penis. 

Javier tapped on the side of Kevin’s jaw, making him look up, and gently pulled him up, gasping a little at the sudden coolness of the air where Kevin’s hot mouth had just been. He kissed him harshly, fully, and dug his fingers into Kevin’s hips, no doubt leaving bruises. Kevin moaned and writhed as Javier slowly unbuttoned his pants and slid them down.

“Javi, I want - I want you - “ Kevin started, and then couldn’t speak because Javier's hands were on him again. 

“Yes?” Javier asked, breathing heavily into Kevin’s ear.

“I - I want you to - I want to go all the way.”

Javier stilled at Kevin’s words. His hands came up to curl around Kevin’s arms as he lay on top of him.

“What?” 

“I - just - I thought - “ Kevin started stumbling. “I just thought maybe - I mean if you don’t want to that’s okay, just forget it, I just - “

Javier kissed him, shutting him up in his favorite way.

“Kevin, it’s not that I don’t WANT to, it’s just - it’s kind of a big deal and I don’t want you to feel like we have to and - “

“I don’t feel that way, I really want to - “

“Well it’s just, are you sure? I - “

“Yes. I’m sure.” 

Javier stopped. Kevin looked straight in his eyes, searching his for an answer. Instead of replying with words, he kissed Kevin, slowly at first, but quickly building in heat. Their hands begin to run up and down each other, and they were quickly completely naked, shifting and sliding across the other’s bodies, moaning and gasping with pleasure. Javier, soon, gave Kevin a meaningful look. Kevin scrambled over to the bedside drawer, digging around for a few minutes (during which Javier couldn’t seem to stop giggling) and coming up with a small bottle of lube and a condom. 

“Prepared much?”

“Shut up and fuck me,” Kevin said, a grin curving his lips. Javier got a rush at the foul language, Kevin so rarely cussed, and he quickly took the lube from Kevin and popped the cap open. Kevin spread some on his own fingers and reached behind him, Javier trying desperately not to come at the thought of Kevin’s fingers working himself open. 

Javier rolled the condom over his cock, sighing at the feeling of his own hand. Kevin quirked his eyebrow up, and positioned himself over Javier. Javier stopped him, hands on Kevin’s hips, holding him up.

“Kev, are - are you sure?” 

Kevin looked down at Javier, his warm brown eyes filled with worry and spread wide with lust. He took his hand and brought it up to Javier’s right one, gently taking it and placing it on the bed beside him. Kevin did the same with the left hand, until there was nothing holding him from Javier but his own arm.

He breathed out, and slid down. 

Javier moaned louder then, the warmth and tightness too good, too much. Kevin winced as the slight burn gave was to pleasure, and then started on a steady rhythm, gasping at the feeling of Javier inside him.

They didn’t talk a whole lot more for a good long while.

 

\----------------

 

Javier’s arm was across his chest. Kevin was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling fan spinning lazy circles. His hands were under his head and he was listening to Javier breathing, in and out. Kevin looked over at his boyfriend, sighed, and shifted his body out from under Javier’s embrace. He got out of the bed and went to the bathroom, then started the long process of sifting through his clothing.

Javier woke up slowly to the sounds of movement in the room. He felt around on the mattress for Kevin, but it was cold and empty. He lifted his head and looked around, finding Kevin stuffing shoes into a duffel bag.

“Kev?” He asked, rubbing at his eyes. “What time is it?”

“11,” Kevin said.

“Really? I feel like it’s later.”

“Well, we woke up the first time at 8 because of my alarm. And then...well.”

“Well? That’s all you have to say?” Javier asked, humor lacing his tone.

Kevin gave him a smile. “WELL...it was - wonderful. I - yeah.” Kevin looked back down at was he was doing, his cheeks going red.

“What are you doing?” Javier asked, sitting up.

“Uh. I’m packing.” He didn’t look up.

“Oh,” Javier said. He sat still for a second, and then swung his legs over the side of the bed, heading for the bathroom. Kevin leaned his head against the wall.

“This sucks,” he said to himself.

When Javier came back, he sat on the edge of the bed and silently started handing Kevin shirts from his drawers, occasionally asking a question or mentioning which ones he liked. Kevin stayed mostly quiet, glad that Javier hadn’t just left him there alone.

Together, they packed up the whole room, quiet for most of the time. The only thing that either could think of was the one thing that neither wanted to talk about - Kevin leaving. 

Alana eventually popped her head into the room, asking Kevin if he had done something yet, reminding him that their flight was leaving at 2AM the next day and they were going out to lunch with Jenny’s family. Javier shot him a sharp look then, not being previously informed about the plan. Kevin didn’t meet his gaze.

When his mom left, Kevin stood, the drawers Javier had been removing things from finally empty. The rest of the room looked like it had before he had moved in - a guest room with no personality. His pictures were already in his giant suitcase, wrapped in bubble wrap, his books and the two movies he had brought (Princess Bride and American Psycho) were packed away, along with his shoes, pants, shirts, jackets, chargers, and the few American trinkets he had bought to take home with him. All he had left was an outfit for tomorrow, his toothpaste, and his pillow, which Javier was currently sitting on. He tried not look at Javier, but he had never been good at ignoring his tanned, gorgeous boyfriend.

They just looked at each other for a moment, before Javier patted the bed beside him. Kevin, almost reluctantly, sat down and leaned heavily into the warmth of Javier’s embrace. They stayed silent, Kevin watching his alarm clock tick minutes away. It was almost noon already, and he was supposed to go to lunch in an hour, but all he wanted to do was soak up all of Javier he could with the time he had left. It had felt like forever, at the beginning of the summer, and now it seemed like the time had slipped through his fingers.

Javier’s phone buzzed, and he reached for it.

_”Mierda,”_ he said, reading the text.

Kevin had been around him enough to recognize that that wasn’t good. “What is it?” He asked softly.

“My mom - she’s annoyed I didn’t tell her I was staying here. Want’s me to come home and do some stuff. I can ask her if - “

“No, it’s okay. I have to get ready and go to lunch. You - you can come back later, though, right?” Kevin asked him, unconsciously tightening his grip on Javier’s arm.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ll be as quick as I can.” Javier pressed a kiss to Kevin’s hair and stood, stretching. He turned towards Kevin again, and was caught in a rushed kiss. Kevin had stood to meet him, and his hands were around Javier’s neck, and it was warm and sweet and sad.

When they broke apart, the didn’t say anything - didn’t need to. Javier grabbed his shoes and keys and walked out the door, giving Kevin one long glance before he left. Kevin went into the bathroom, ignoring the mist in his eyes and wiping angrily at the moisture that escaped him. He was NOT going to cry. He was NOT.

Well, not where anyone could see.


	4. The Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the title.

_”Mamá tengo que ir AHORA, no lo entiendes,_ ” Javier said again, exasperated. He had been home for the whole afternoon and it was starting to creep later into the night. He needed to get back to Kevin.

 _“No! Entiendo perfectamente! Te pasas todo el tiempo con ese chico! Es encantador, Javi, pero hay que pasar aquí la noche. Escuela empieza pronto.”_ His mother wasn’t giving him a choice - he had to stay home tonight. But there was no way in hell he was actually going to do that. 

“You know,” Carla said to him, as he lay on his bed, frustrated beyond belief. “If you told her the real reason you needed to go tonight, she would probably let you.”

“NO,” Javier said harshly. “No. I - just no.”

“Okay, Javier, geez, sorry for trying to help.”

He sighed as Carla closed his door, not meaning to take his anger out on her. It was now approaching 11, and Theresa would soon be going to sleep. Then Javier was going to sneak out. He had done it before, but not in years - usually he had all the freedom he wanted. Carla was probably right - if Javier would tell his mom that Kevin was leaving the country tomorrow, she might let him leave...but that would lead to conversations about feelings and distance that he really couldn’t handle right now.

Kevin hadn’t texted him yet, but he could only imagine him staring at his phone, out the window, waiting for Javier to show up. He NEEDED to get back to him. He could hear his mom downstairs, moving around in the kitchen, and he waited impatiently for the sound of her closing her bedroom door. Once it was closed, she didn’t come out until morning. Finally, after what seemed like years, the lock clicked into place and he leapt out of bed, still fully dressed (even his shoes) and was out his bedroom door in a few seconds.

He opened and closed the back door of the house expertly, getting a flashback to his freshman year when he would sneak out to meet his girlfriend, and started up the car, wincing at the loud noise. It couldn’t really be helped, though.

All the way to Jenny’s house, Javier was buzzing, aggressively making himself not think about the situation. He didn’t know WHAT to think about this situation - he had never felt this way about someone before, and it seemed cruel that they would soon be separated by an ocean. He and Kevin had never talked about what happened after he moved back, not even talking about doing something long distance, because they had practically forgotten that this summer was going to end. Javier hadn’t been paying attention to the time at all, and he wondered where it had all gone.

Pulling up on the side of the house, he stared at the O’Malley’s car, currently being filled up by Kevin’s dad. There were four suitcases and several duffel bags, backpacks, a pillow that he recognized as Kevin’s - he had just been laying on it this morning. It was dark, but the porch was washed in light from the living room spilling out. Javier parked and got out of the car, giving a half hearted smile to James as he hauled another suitcase into the car.

“He’s up in his room, son,” James said, waving as Javier passed.

“Thanks.”

He found Kevin laying face down on his bed. The room was depressingly bare, after so many months of them both practically living in it. Sitting down beside him, Javier placed a hand on his back.

Kevin jerked up, surprised by the touch.

“Kevin!” Javier said. “It’s fine, it’s me - “

Before he could finish his sentence, Kevin was in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck and face buried in his shoulder. Javier put his arms around him by instinct, and then pulled tighter as he registered what had happened. 

“Kev…” he whispered, and pressed into him. Kevin was taking shallow, quick breaths, starting to cry at the relief of having his boyfriend back in his arms. He didn’t even care that he was crying, didn’t care how pathetic it was. All he could do was hold on.

“Kevin, I - Kev.” Javier pulled away, but not completely. Just enough to kiss the tears from Kevin’s face. “Baby,” he said, and Kevin sniffed. 

“Javi, I don’t think I can do this,” Kevin said, looking down at his lap. “I’ve - I’ve never felt - I’ve never been so - “

Javier kissed him softly to get him to stop talking. _”Te amo,”_ he said softly, letting the words fall like he had wanted to for weeks but never had the courage to.

Kevin pulled back from his lips. “What?” His forehead wrinkled in confusion. Javier's brows came down, not knowing where the confusion was, before he realized he had said it in Spanish.

“ _Te amo,_ ” Javier said again. “It means - it means I love you.”

Kevin’s eyes grew wide.

“You do?” He asked, whispering.

“Yeah,” Javier said, smiling. “I do.”

Kevin kissed him then, hard, and leaned into him, pulling him close. Javier’s mouth opened up and they tangled together, desperate for each other. 

Then there was a knock at the door.

They broke apart, startled, and Alana leaned her head in.

“Kevin, love, we have to go.” She gave Javier a sad smile then, and left.

The two of them looked at each other, and the reality of what was happening started to hit. Kevin dropped his head onto Javier’s shoulder, and Javier desperately looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop his tears. After a moment, Kevin sighed and leaned back, getting up from the bed. Javier held on tightly to his hand, not letting go as he stood up as well. He didn’t release it, in fact, until Kevin slipped on his jacket, and then grabbed it again as Kevin’s arm came out of the sleeve. Kevin tried to smile and failed miserably. 

Javier took Kevin’s duffle bag from the floor and hooked it over his shoulder. They walked down the stairs, still hand in hand. The car was already running. It was almost midnight, and they were flying out at 2AM. Jenny stood in the driveway with her parents, and they hugged Kevin one by one. Kevin’s parents hugged Javier, which he had not been expecting and made him tear up again. Then they got in the car with Mr. O’Malley, who was driving them to the airport, and Jenny and her mother went inside, leaving Javier in the front yard staring at Kevin, who was looking down at the ground.

“So, are we - are we still a thing? When I go back?” Kevin asked.

Javier came forward and ran his hands down Kevin’s arms.

“Yes,” he said, his voice steady.

“I’ll call you all the time. I’ll save up to pay for the phone bill. I’ll send you letters.”

“I’ll write you too - I’ll send emails and I’ll save everything I can for a plane ticket and - and we’ll be okay.”

“I don’t feel okay,” Kevin said, and he looked up at Javier, a drop running down his cheek.

“I know,” was all Javier could say.

They hugged, then - holding on for dear life, not letting go for what seemed like forever and far too short a time. Kevin’s dad eventually rolled down the window of the car.

“Come on, son - we can’t wait anymore.”

“Okay, I’m coming!” Kevin shouted, and sniffed, pulling away slightly.

“I love you,” he said, his hands still around Javier’s waist.

“I love you too.”

He hugged Javier one more time, gave him a lingering kiss, and walked slowly towards the car. Javier’s eyes never left Kevin’s form, and when Kevin sat down in the leather seat, he looked up to find Javier’s brown eyes on him, his face an open wound. 

Kevin kept eye contact as long as he could, twisting in his seat as the car pulled away from the driveway, waving a hand as they passed into the darkness. Javier stared down the street long after he could no longer see the brake lights.

He went into the house then, not bothering to knock, knowing Jenny wouldn’t mind. He walked straight up the stairs into Kevin’s room, but didn’t quite make the bed before he fells over, sobs wracking his body. He had never before in his life been this affected by anything, not even his dad leaving, and it was freaking him out. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He laid face down on the carpet, letting tears fall from his face, and tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down. He turned his head to the side so he could take in more air than carpet. That’s when he saw it.

Under the bed, there was a scrap of blue. He reached out and grabbed it, pulling it close. It was one of Kevin’s shirts, one of the ones that made his eyes pop out even more than usual. Javier's eyes filled again as he brought the shirt up to his face, inhaling the scent left behind. It was salty and sweet, and all Kevin. He hugged the shirt to his face, still laying on the ground.

Soon, he stood, and went out the front door, waving to Jenny watching a movie on the couch. He drove back home, still holding the fabric up to his face the whole way. He carefully turned the key in the lock, crept up the stairs, and fell into bed. He cuddled the shirt close to him, cursing the fact that he couldn’t seem to put it down but he desperately wanted to get rid of it so he could get Kevin off his mind. 

_Like that will ever happen,_ he thought. He could never get Kevin off his mind. 

He fell asleep like that, holding the shirt close, breathing in the smell, tear stains running down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more coming soon! Sorry for the long delay, our lives are a bit crazy, but we will definitely keep writing!
> 
> This fic is written by people who know next to nothing about Spanish grammar, and have heavily employed Google Translate. If you know that there's a mistake, please tell us so we can be accurate!  
> Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written by people who know next to nothing about Spanish grammar, and have heavily employed Google Translate. If you know that there's a mistake, please tell us so we can be accurate!  
> Thanks!


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